Oh Barbie, you are such a B! Not only did you perpetuate unattainable body standards, superficiality and not-so-subtle sexism in my youth, but all that pink! Barbie, synonymous with perfection, from her dream job as model or pop star, dream boyfriend, dream house, dream boat and even that perfect, plastic face plastered on her……what a serious B! That’s probably why I cut off all her hair… grow that back you B!
Barbie has changed through the ages. Sure today we have Rapper Barbie and Astronaut Barbie, or even Princess Unicorn Barbie… “My horn shall pierce the sky” (Office anyone)? To me, she will always be a B, but a B with mad style. Whether scantily clad in Malibu, being a royal Princess, at ballet, on holiday or even fashionista-ing, her style game was on point. What you will hate the most, is that in this total immersion of pink and girly wonder, you will kinda like some of it… just how we all kinda liked Barbie at one point of another, that manipulative wench.
The Kitchen: A place that we know is all for show as Barbie doesn’t eat, there is no Foodie Barbie (plus her proportions simply would not allow it… where would her intestines go)? I imagine she has a private chef providing Ken with nutritious meals as we know she would be horrified if he did not maintain that plastic six pack of his.
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Bedroom: This is where Barbie sits and watches herself and in the mirror, combs her hair thousands of times, paints her nails and bow chicka wow wows with Ken (and never gets pregnant, who could afford the fat added with the miracle of life), #srsly. P.S. Barbie loves hashtags and selfies. #wokeuplikethis
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The Guest Bedrooms: Where will Teresa, Kelly, Summer or sis Skipper sleep? Barbie designed these beautiful rooms where they all gossip about her and mime murdering her because, really, we all love to hate her.
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Barbie Living: I imagine this is where Barbie meditates before soul cycle and entertains. She flits around her house thinking of her to do list: shopping, blow-dry, massage, pedi/mani, Instagram, gab with girlfriends at lunch. She is not concerned with chores (she has a live-in cleaning lady) or bills (she has Venmo you guys).
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Barbie Office: This is where Barbie gets real, sits with her late night cocktail and writes in her diary (you know she has one). “Dear Diary, I saw Tiffany looking at Ken while he was in his swim trunks, she is such a B…” (something to that effect).
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Now I do believe Barbie gets a bad rep. Barbie is just a plastic, tangible scapegoat of what all woman hate about our culture today. Be it celebrities or magazines all perpetuating an impossible image or idea of what a woman should, in fact, be. #deep
It wasn’t always this way. I remember Barbie was my present for riding the bus on my own, the very first day of school (Thanks Mom). Then I realized she is evil. Don’t worry readers, I had the last laugh, through devilish haircuts and engaging my Barbies in unspeakable acts and mutilation. I was a weird kid.
Stay sassy, Barbie will.
Jenn
Haha, love it!
Oh Jenn you are too funny. You forgot about her pal Midge! Your Grandma used to make clothes for my Barbie! Love the “D” pillow. 🙂